I sent out some press releases today to five newspapers, some local, others regional informing them of my attendance at the PAN forum in Washington DC. I realize that I could be totally shot down, my story being highly personal and not interesting enough to garner any attention. That's ok, editors of papers have many stories to choose from and my story is just a little one.
I went to swim laps at my local community pool today and had forgotten how good I feel in the water, it has been too long. I was inspired by my local PD support group I attended yesterday, and of course, the newest research is pointing to exercise as being extremely beneficial for mood and the physical aspects of Parkinson's Disease. I struggle with depression/anxiety on a daily basis, and my circulation is on/off depending on my on/off symptoms. Swimming helps with all of these and I do not know why I don't do more of it.
I knitted a scarf the day before yesterday with a pricey little skein of yarn. It was supposed to be an "hour-long"project but ended up taking more like four. I am not as fast with the needles as I once was, but as I remember a friend with PD who has been slowed down by the disease and who is an avid fisherman said once, "Hey, it's ok, the fish aren't going anywhere." I quoted this in my support group yesterday as the topic was depression. Heck, who cares if I am slower these days? The yarn isnt going anywhere! And now that I am not forcing myself to move to someone else's rhythm like I was when working (not counting my children and pets) it seems much easier to ride the waves of on/off that have been so frustrating for me!
Depression is a very common symptom of PD and is rarely discussed. Brain neurochemicals are tricky things to balance, and dopamine production is very much a part of depression/anxiety mood states. Research supports the fact that 50% of all people struggling with PD suffer from depression. It is not just in response to the diagnosis of PD (that alone suggests something worth being depressed about!) but a neurochemical imbalance that even the best neurologists and neuropsychiatrists can only guess at treating medically. There is NO science to the pharmacology required when one's brain is not making enough of one neurotransmitter, and when dopamine is out of wack, it screws up the other, related biochemicals such as norepenephrine and seratonin. Dopamine allows our brains to feel joy, happiness, a "feel good" biochemical, and so when our brains don't make enough of it we feel "flat", sad, and weepy. Throwing another medication at treating depression, however, does not ensure it will work. In fact, it may cause unwanted side effects.
I have been studying "happiness" research that is being done around the country, including at my alma mater, The University of Michigan. Researchers are determining what makes happy people happy, and aside from having basic survival needs like sufficient food and shelter, found that there were five main common factors that happy people experience: 1. They create meaningful lives (that is, if they weren't around, would be sorely missed ) 2. They are able to live in the moment 3. They keep a "gratitude list" either by writing or mentally reviewing it each day. 4. They exercise to the point of raising heartrate and breaking a sweat several times a week. 5. They have a strong support network.
So, although my PD's physical symptoms are pretty well masked by my DBS and medications, I still struggle with the progression of the disease and specifically how it impacts my memory, problem-solving skills ("executive functioning"), speaking/language skills and mood states. These are the more subtle issues that many people with PD struggle with, but are rarely discussed in the public literature. This is changing however, and as we open up more about our feelings of sadness and anxiety, there will be more research devoted to this. Being depressed or anxious is often not just a matter of shameful weakness, but rather an imbalance of the very complicated neurochemicals in the human brain. We can't just "think positively" or "meditate" through it because oftentimes it is NOT simply a case of mind over matter. This is too simplistic.
I feel much better when I feel less stress. Stress is not good for anyone's brain but in my case, it seems lethal. So I am working hard on taking care of me, checking into my gut on a regular basis, and trying to treat myself as my best friend. There are days I do not leave the house, but I find that if I can just get a foot out the door, I feel better. And of course there are some days that I feel like shutting myself off from the world. But as I tell my daughters, "tomorrow will be better," I find that this is almost consistently true.
Tomorrow is another day.
No comments:
Post a Comment